chapt er 7

I feel so hopeless, i came to believe that for me there is no God. mother continues to beat me but as i always i hold back my tears so i don't give her the satisfaction of my defeat. i feel so alone i let go of all of my dreams i do not even let my imagination work through out the day. i remember one morning my mother and brothers ate pancakes for breakfast as usual she didn't give me any. but she gave the leftovers to the dogs. after the dogs picked through what they wanted. i got on my hands and knees and finished eating the scraps of pancakes.i knew that was my only means of eating. the only thing mother wants from mother anymore is his money. i will always remember the day that father left forever, i felt so alone. i didn't want my hero to be gone. i wanted him home with me. i knew that what i wanted didn't matter when he told me that he was sorry and could not handle anything anymore. mother has full control over me now. now it is going to be worse than what it has ever been... why, why does this have to be me? i will never be free, and i will never understand why mother does this to me!

chapter 6

Father began to stay away from the house more and more and I really missed him. Dad was hardly home he stayed away on his days off too. I remember the day that father left, I Mother had full control over everyone now. She was still punishing me in awful ways, but I always hold back my tears. I still can not figure out why mother punishes me the way she does, why can’t she switch things up and beat one of my brothers, that may sound really harsh of me, but I still can not figure out why it is always me. For one of my punishments mom starved me for ten long days. She would put food down in front of me say that she would give me two minutes to eat and then snatch the food away before I could even get a bite. I felt so weak, so helpless but I was not going to give up, I was not going to let mother think that she has won. One day after she took my brothers to the zoo she turned the cold water on in the tub and made me get in she made me keep my head below the water. It was so cold and I felt so weak. When I thought things were over she made me get out of the tub, I could not use a towel to dry off and she made me put my clothes on while I was soaking wet. I felt as if I live in a different world, like I was not good enough to be in the “good life” mother even let my brothers bring their friends over and watch me while I was being punished, I hated it. Nothing was never new I was always getting punished, whether I was sitting outside, throwing up or simply sitting in the tub with cold water, she even whipped me with the dogs chain, it hurt so bad, but once again I tried to hold it in because I do not want her to think she got the best of me. I have been denied the privilege to carve pumpkins with my brothers since I was 8 years old, all I want is to be accepted and loved. For Christmas the only thing I received was a pair of skates, mother got me the skates for another punishment she made me go out and skate in the freezing cold whether, I will always remember when mother went to the hospital to have baby Kevin. I was so excited that she was gone and father was there to take care of us boys... he made sure I was taken care of in good ways and another plus I was away from all the beatings, it is a shame that the time could not have lasted longer. I really just pray and wish that mother will change, but I know it probably won’t

chapter 5

Mother gave me time limits to clean up the kitchen and do the dishes. One night she gave me 20 minutes, she said not a second or minute longer or I would not be eating again. Considering I have not ate in three days I was prepared to get it done. Mom, with a knife in her hand told me that if I did not get it done in the right time that she would kill me, it didn’t really faze me because she has threatened me like that before. Mother was drunk like always and she sat in the kitchen with the knife in her hand watching me, I knew something was wrong. I saw out of the corner of my eye the knife leave mothers hand and stab me right above my stomach. I knew it was an accident I knew she didn’t mean to do that. Mother bandaged me up that night she had no remorse at all, when she was done bandaging me up she sent me on saying I had 30 minutes to clean up the kitchen. I told father what had happened, he seemed as if he did not even care. I could feel the relationship between father and me falling apart. I had no more respect for him anymore. That night mom for the first time in a long time showed that she cared. I knew that she was pretending that she cared but it was nice while the time lasted. I finally felt a friendship with my brothers, but I knew it wasn’t going to last. Too bad the time came to and end and mother was back to being her self. I just really wish things would go back to being the “HAPPY DAYS”.

chapter 4

It has been like I have been fighting for my food. I am not allowed to eat dinner with the family, play with my brothers, or watch TV. Mother has even started calling me “The Boy”. I have a name don’t she know? Since mother would not allow me to eat I often stole food from other student’s lunch boxes, until I got caught and the principal called mother. One day I stole frozen meals from the cafeteria, I downed them so fast. One had hot dogs and tater tots in it. Later that night mom stuck her finger down my throat and made me throw up. She then saw the chunks of the hot dog that I had eaten earlier in the day; she knew I have once again stole food. My punishment was that I had to eat the chunks that I threw up, it was so nasty, but I kept thinking to myself just keep it down keeps it down. Father tried to change mom but it only made things worse, they would argue, and I would always get brought up. When I was in the fourth grade mom was pregnant with Russell, her fourth child. I remember one day I was being too loud on our family vacation and mother punished me by not letting me go out with father and the boys. When they left her rubbed one of Russell’s soiled diapers in my face telling me over and over to eat it. I didn’t eat it, my brothers and father walked in and mother hurried to cover her tracks. I hate mom, but I hate dad more he use to try and help me know he just sits there and watches me take mom’s punishments. I am starving all I want is a nice meal and not the garbage I get out of the trash can and not the food I steal. I want mom’s cooked meals, like the way things used to be!

Chapter 3

Everything has changed, mother always says that i am a bad boy and i never do anything right. she always says that i am a disappointment to the family. i feel ashamed, but i do not know what exactly i do wrong. she told me that she was holding me back in the first grade. i still can't figure out why. i always get smiley faces on my worksheets and i know my teacher likes me... but i guess i have to go by what mother says. she always beats me, and i cant lie it hurts so bad, i just try and keep my tears back that way she don't see that she is winning. i hate when father goes to work that's when mother changes, when father is home it is like old times but the moment he steps out the door she is back to beating me and making me look for items that have disappeared, i think she just likes the joy of making me do things for her, and when i do not do what she wants she will beat me. i forgot one time what she was having me look for and i went and asked her and she smacked me right in the face and said that i knew what i was looking for and i had to go find it... i will never forget the time when she broke my arm and lied to the doctor saying i fell off the bed.. i hate that she lies and gets away with everything. what kind of mother is that? she even lies to father.. why can't everything just go back to the old ways our family being happy... i hate it now, i want to be loved and happy.

chapter two

My family was so close and all of us children were so loved, Dad was a fireman and mom stayed at home with us children. When dad was at work mom would take us to do fun and exciting things. I remember one day when she took us to china town in San-Francisco. mom told us all about the history of the Chinese people, as we drove around enjoying ourselves.. Mom was a neat freak she always had to have everything a certain way and never left anything in our house half way done. As we grew older we helped mom with the chores. i loved spending the holidays with my family. I always had a smile on my face and and a warm feeling through our my body. mom always decorated for every holiday. My favorite was the day after thanksgiving because mom would get all the decorations out and decorate for Christmas. Our house always had the best Christmas decorations up. i love my family and i will never forget the special times we had together.

Chapter-one child called it- David

All i want is to be loved and liked, everyone looks at me in such a wierd way. All the kids say i stink and the teachers look at me as if they are trying to figure out what is really going on! when are they going to learn that after all these years there is nothing that they can do, although i would like to have their help it isn't going to happen. As soon as i got to school today the nurse had me come into her office and again she searched all over me to see if i had any new marks, i lie to her at first and then i just let loose and tell her the truth, that my mother beats me and starves me. i am really not a bad child i just have a bad life at home.... I wish things were different I wish i could just be loved!